Q: My husband and I have three kids from his previous marriage and two from mine. He favors his kids and he accuses me of favoring mine. We fight about it a lot. Please help!

Juli: Playing favorites among children can be an issue in any family, but it’s especially difficult in blended families. It’s unrealistic to think that you’ll have the same feelings of affection and connection with stepchildren as you do with your biological children, particularly early in the “blending” process.

To the extent that you and your husband are divided on this issue, the problem will grow worse. You’ll begin to view his children as causing division and he’ll feel the same way about yours. It’s critical that you begin to work as a team, learning to love and understand all the children. Sometimes a forced role reversal can help. For example, you might focus on praising his children and he focus on praising yours.